Billed as the darkest, funniest and most debauched kabarett star east of Berlin, Bernie Dieter has cemented herself as one of the standout cabaret artists of her generation. “When it comes to cabaret,” proclaimed The Herald in the UK, “few can match the decadence, and brilliance, of Bernie Dieter.”
A cross between Lady Gaga, Marlene Dietrich and Frank-N-Furter in sequins, she has stunned, aroused and terrified audiences from Germany to Japan with her gin-soaked lascivious charm. Her infamous variety show Club Kabarett (which runs at the Meat Market in North Melbourne from 3 April to 11 May) has sold out seasons all over the world with is devilish combination of Bernie’s powerhouse vocals, her rocking haus band, breathtaking circus, gender-bending aerial and fire-breathing sideshow. She’s the modern-day queen of Weimar punk kabarett. Here’s how she Melbournes.
I know I’m in Melbourne when I step off the plane and the coffee in the airport is an immaculately crafted batch-brew made to order by a stunningly handsome bearded man with incredible tattoos and I’m so, so jet lagged but so happy because I haven’t tasted coffee this incredible in months.
I might be better qualified than most people to make comparisons between Melbourne and Berlin. Both cities have a very special place in my heart, I was born in Köln but lived above a drag club in Berlin for a long time. The people, the food, the nightlife are amazing in both places, but what I will say is that in Berlin you’re allowed to drink on the street. I’ve had some of the best conversations of my life at 4am sitting on the sidewalk with a cold beer outside an off-licence in Kreuzberg.
As a performer, the best thing about a Melbourne audience is that they’re so open and up for anything. There’s such a celebration of difference and individuality in Melbourne which really connects to the heart of the show. We’re all just a bunch of punks, freaks and weirdos really, and I think Melbourne really embodies that.
My local, right now, is Prudence in North Melbourne. It’s a five-minute walk from where the show is and after the show we all want to tuck ourselves into one of those little red velvet booths with lovely people and delicious cocktails.
In the mornings you’ll find me asleep, usually. Being a kabarett artiste, you very much become nocturnal, so I tend to sleep in, then drag myself out of bed to find a delicious coffee and brunch somewhere like Code Black or Market Lane if you need to buy some delicious coffee beans too.
The best new thing I’ve found is Misfits in Footscray. An amazing bar that really champions local art and music. I love the ethos and the name – it really resonates with me and the show. We are all misfits who are trying to fit in rather than just embracing our differences and dancing to the best of a different drum.
My favourite place to stock up on supplies is Queen Victoria Market. So many delicious things! The deli section is my favourite mainly because once I’ve finished shopping I can have a real German bratwurst with sauerkraut, and it makes me feel like I’m home.
When I want to show off the city to friends from out of town, I like to take them out for a late brunch somewhere like Proud Mary in Collingwood. Then we just keep going from delicious food place to delicious food place, drinking as we go. Ideally these friends have come on a Wednesday night, because the jazz at the Rooks return on Wednesdays is incredible! So many people cramming into every corner of the tiny bar, and the Rookies (the sizzling five-piece jazz band) blowing the roof off the place.
When I want to drink something Victorian, my first choice is Travelling While Standing Still gin. My all-time favourite drink is a dirty – no, wait – a filthy gin martini with about five olives in it. (I mostly likely won’t haven’t had dinner yet because I’ve been on stage, and olives absolutely count.)
There’s no better value in Melbourne than Pellegrini’s Espresso Bar. It’s a Melbourne institution for good reason. The waiters are gorgeous, Italian and grumpy, the plates of pasta or lasagne are huge and delicious, and the prices are so reasonable.
If I could change one thing about eating and drinking here it would be that it would no longer be frowned upon to have three brunches in one day. It’s my absolute favourite meal and I would gladly eat it for every meal just adding more and more varieties of Bloody Marys as the day went on.
But the one thing I hope never changes in Melbourne is the people. Maybe it’s because the weather in Melbourne isn’t as consistently sunny as it is in other places in Australia, Melburnians have had to find other ways to entertain themselves, other than just being out in the sun, so they’re creative and funny and artistic and musical and adventurous and fashionable and gorgeous. Whatever it is, I have met some of the best humans in Melbourne and I hope it never changes.
Catch Bernie Dieter’s Club Kabarett, 3 April to 11 May at Meat Market; berniedieter.com, @berniedieter